There are so many invisible victims in the shadow of suffering. It has taken me many years, too many years in fact, to realize just how difficult it must be for those of you that make up mysupport system, those of you who must watch me fall time and time again. I don’t have much experience being on that side of the fence, but I am capable of recognizing that it would be devastating and scary as hell. Our story is no different from yours or your neighbor’s or your great uncle’s in Arkansas. At some point in your life you or someone you love will fall down, and you’ll have to be the one to help them back up. Unfortunately, bad fortune is universal,and it certainly doesn’t play favorites.
Peace is one of those illusive commodities that I strive to embody, but for a very long time, it seemed like I could never truly grasp the meaning of it. Continue reading
Heyyyyoooooh I’m back! It’s been much too long since I’ve written a blog post, and I’ve got some serious explaining to do. First, you need to know something about me: I tend to start something, become pathetically obsessed, and then find myself getting bored a week or so after discovering my new “passion”. So that’s part of why I stopped blogging, but that is really just the tip of the iceberg. Continue reading
So far, everything on this blog has been cheerful. I have good days and bad days, and on most of the bad days I don’t have the energy to write a blog. Only a few people see me on those days, and I’m sure that although they are glad that they could be there for me, they wish they had never seen it. I’m a shell of myself. I don’t laugh, I don’t smile, I don’t joke, I don’t play, I barely even move. I turn on the TV and lose myself because being present is too painful. Every time anything touches my feet, it feels more like someone is slamming in it a door. Every time I take a step, it takes all of my strength to stay upright and not break under the pain.
Something to make you smile on your most cynical days 🙂
When I woke up this morning, I knew I had an appointment to see a new doctor – a neurologist. I haven’t seen a neurologist since I was probably ten years old. Since I got the diagnosis of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, I’ve spent a lot of time in the waiting room at pain management clinics. There’s no cure for RSD, so pain management was the obvious route, and because these doctors gave me at least a bit of pain relief, we stuck with them and never saw another specialist.
Despite my doubts over the years of my diagnosis, there was never a doctor that questioned it. I would meet a doctor and explain to them that my symptoms didn’t really match those of someone with RSD, and it was like the doctors had on sunglasses and could only see my condition with that color lens. No matter what symptoms I was showing, I had RSD. That’s the trouble with diagnoses: yes, they simplify processes and give a name to the face of someone’s demons, but once you get diagnosed, its difficult to move outside of that realm. Continue reading
There’s workers outside of my apartment washing the windows with a pressure washer.. Champ Champ is so scared! He was hiding under the table, but he decided my lap was a safer place. What a baby 🙂
Probably one of the most irritating things about my disorder is that I can’t sleep through the night… The pain normally wakes me up at around 5 AM-ish and then I’m up for an hour or two until the medicine reduces my pain enough for me to sleep again…. So I have a lot of sleepless nights. You’d think I’d get bored since the whole world is sleeping and infomercials are the only thing on, but I have successfully found something to occupy myself at times like these. Continue reading